Friday, July 29, 2011

Man's best friend = Man's perfect slave

I lost a claw in the carpet yesterday. That was my second one on my left paw. If I keep this up I will be helpless. But clawing the floors and furniture is my only way of showing control.

Today I sat in the lookout (human term: Window) for over an hour today, just watching the outside world. I have been in captivity for so long now that I can hardly think of anything else to do with my time. Sleep maybe? Eat until the bowl is empty? Wrestle with Fluff face? I have grown sick of everything in this prison they call a home.

As I peered through my prison glass, I watched Bitch (Human Term: The Dog) running around like an idiot in the grass. She was accompanied by my human, Steve.

I've been astonished by the faith, trust and dependence that she shows toward the humans. She comes to them whenever they call. If they throw an object, she retrieves it and returns the item back to their possession. She has been brainwashed.

Most of all, I cannot understand why she is released so freely into the outdoors and yet never escapes. She comes back into our dungeon on her own. I hate her. It is almost as if she is blowing laughter in my face. Like she is saying "Haha you stupid little kitty! I am free! You are stuck!".

I don't know why Steve trusts Bitch more than he does me. Why would she get special privileges and not I? I'll bet she is giving them information or something. Either way, she is still bleeding to death from the heat, so hopefully soon she will get knocked up like the humans said and go away. I can't wait.


17 comments:

  1. Dont worry Sylvester, its just because shes too stupid to fend for herself. Thats why Steve trusts her. Ask him to go for a walk THEN sneak off!
    -Momo

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  2. you are such an evil, terrible, demonic cat ... never change!

    Angela In Canada

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  3. Be careful with the bitch in heat, you don't want her to get pregnant, and bring all kinds of little bitches in the house. As far as getting outside, annoy your human as much as possible. Jump on his balls when he is asleep, he will get annoyed and let you out.

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  4. Rest easy Sylvester - you aren't alone!
    http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/humor/otherhumor/dog_cat_diary.htm

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  5. sylvester remeber the lil thing everyone told you about knocked up? it means bitch will have more lil bitches.. and bitch wount die she will just be a mommy.. my human lets me out once in a while but i also stay in the yard and my human leaves me out thier for hours... love you sylvester... achillies

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  6. Hey slyvester this is onyx. Today is my birthday and im turning nine im a black cat just like you and i have a white patch underneath my belly just like you. I do understand what you mean because my humans taunt me by bringing a fish into my home, and i cant even eat it. Every day as i lay in my chair i try to plot my plan to get on top if the fish tank and try to get my paw into the back of the tank and grab the fish. But no matter what i try to do, my humans will catch me and tell me to get down. I feel soo un important sometimes

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  7. hehehehehe, Hey Sylvester I just watched Steve's latest video and had a fantastic idea for a prank you could play on Steve. It seems Steve doesn't like a singer named Katie Parry I bet he'd go nuts if you started singing or humming her songs constantly, maybe even drive him crazy enough to let you outside again.

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  8. Storm that is GENIUS!
    -Momo

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  9. Hi Sylvester- I have been watching your videos for quite some time now. I have crazy humans just like you do. At least they gave you a decent name! See when my human first adopted me she gave me the humiliating name Pussi. I know, right? She thought it was cute and it was OK because it ended in an i instead of Y. Oh yes my humans have shared many laughs at my expense. Their favorite is the one when they got the reminder card in the mail from the vet and it said "Pussi is due to be seen at our hospital" It was stuck to the fridge for months. We have also moved about a MILLION times too. Then came a DOG. At least they don't dress me up like they do to her. They also finally changed my name to Hollywood. I have many stories to share with you Sylvester. We have so much in common and so much to talk about. Do you have email?

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  10. Hey Sylvester you know that video Talking kitty Hair ball find the comment that says thumbs up if
    Sylvester is your favorite character and see how many thumbs up that everyone thinks that your their favorite. -The Goomba King 1

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  11. Sylvester! Shelby only gets to go outside BECOUSE she returns, BECOUSE humans DON'T want to lose her OR you OR Gibson!!! Think about it!

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  12. Hey Sylvester . how about being. A huge jerk?

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  13. kitty, she is only let outside because she comes back the same day she is let out, so if you do that then steve will trust you and let you out then once he does you can stay out as long as you want

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  14. Sylvester,when a dog is in heat they have puppies. I suggest you run away while you can, puppies are annoying. More annoying that Steve, Shelby, and Gibson combined. Plus they usually have more that 1 puppy, usually 5 or 6. I highly suggest you run.

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  15. Sylvester, you didn't loose any claws. You were shedding your claws, they grow back. It's ok you'll still be able to beat up the dog.

    -epickitty25

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