Thursday, June 30, 2011

I have planned my escape!

My escape plan is flawless!

In the room where my food tower is, there are 4 lookouts (the humans call them "Wind O's"). Each one of them slides open, but
they're reinforced with some
strange micro-square netting.

This netting looks like a discouraging trap, but it is actually quite weak. I can easily penetrate it with my claws.

When I am in the room with my food tower, the humans sometimes close the door, leaving me unattended.

Here is my new plan:
  • Wait until the door to my food tower is opened.
  • Go into the room and hide.
  • Wait for the humans to close the door.
  • Claw and create an opening in the Micro-Square Netting.
  • Run like hell.
My plan as drafted.

It is only a matter of time now.... I can already taste the catnip and tunafish!

Another day.

I'm still not used to this new home the humans moved me to. Everytime I turn around I get lost. They've moved my food tower into a room with doors on it, so half the time I can't get to it. Worse yet, I have had nothing but dry food since we got here.

I am starting to think that they forgot to put my canned wet yumminess into the brown storage cubes. I don't think I've done anything bad lately, am I grounded again? Steve really needs to go to the store.

Or let me outside. Either way.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Violation of Kitty Privacy.

My human has been video taping me for longer than I was aware of. I only remember the last couple years of random recording devices stuck in my face.

My fur stood on end moments ago as I came across a video of myself as a kitten, with annoying music and horrible image quality. The choppy video is evidence that Steve (my capturer) has been invading my privacy for longer than I had anticipated.

Perhaps I can find some baby pictures of Steve to post on my blog as payback for this. I was too young and helpless to know what he was doing back then.

I'll get my revenge. I will take his camera and record him on his white litter bowl thingy that he sits on to potty. Hehehehe!!!.....


I was right! We are SO close to his house now! I was just sitting in the lookout (the thing they calls "Wind Oh's") staring outside, dreaming of my forthcoming freedom, when I saw Todd drive down the street, right in front of my new prison. I mean, our new home.. Ugh..

After watching Gibson's Scary World Video, I noticed that his image of Todd is misleading. I don't know where he comes up with this nonsense. Todd is not scary, he is amazing. His addiction to porcelain dolls is a little creepy, but other than that he is the best human ever! I love him...

False alarm....

Nevermind. They found her locked in the tool shed out back. Lame.

Better luck next time.

I think my wish came true!

I might finally be dog free! The giant black dog they call Shelby (a.k.a. Bitch) ran away this morning! It's been almost 8 hours! Steve is frantic, but he'll get over it!

I don't want to see her in pain though, so if she gets hit by a car I pray that it kills her instantly. R.I.P. Bitch. ... hehe....

Monday, June 27, 2011

Gibson went to the vet today.

Lil fluff-face went to the vet today and they diagnosed him with Feline Schizophrenia. I knew there was something wrong with him.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

No help from Gibson.

I can't believe it's already been almost two and a half years since I started this blog. What a giant waste of time this is.

Scary Scary WorldI just saw this video on my human's website (right). Gibson is a freak. I am starting to regret telling him all of the horror stories about the outside world. How is he ever supposed to help me help Todd if he won't even leave the house!?... What a pussy. That was the most childish, pathetic and ridiculous song I have ever heard. It made me want to run in traffic just to get it out of my head.

So fine. Let the little fluff-face stay here with the mean humans. I will make my way back to Todd's. I can always check on my old family by watching the stupid videos that Steve makes. I hope the best for Bitch. I will miss her for a few minutes. As for Gibson...... I don't care....

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Familiar Territory

I just realized something! When we moved back, I knew we were close to the old home. But I didn't know HOW close! We are only a block away!

Guess what that means!??!

I can finally go back home with Todd! The only problem is, my human thinks I am an inside cat now, so I might have a hard time escaping. Either way I should start getting Gibson ready. He is older now, so he will help us!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Moving again!??!

More brown containment cubes. Yup. We moved... Again...

My humans move around like escaped convicts. This time we moved back to the same neighborhood we used to live in.

After watching Steve's stupid video of my jail experience, I decided to once again attempt to steal his camera and record him for a change. Of course, it never works out for me. If only I had thumbs!

Last time was easier. This time, I couldn't get my paw into the strap. These stupid contraptions are made specifically for the monkey handed humans.

Eventually, I'll get this recording device under control. No more "Talking Kitty" videos. I have a better idea. It's called "Hidden Camera Human".

Of course, I still have to figure out how to not get caught with his camera thingy. Until then, I will continue acting along for his stupid little youtube video crap. But soon, these humans will be exposed for what they really are!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I just got out of jail....

No freedom for felines.
After begging my human to let me outside, I finally reached the great wide open. I was minding my own business when some other human started chasing me with a net. It was humiliating!
I was then thrown into a van, like a piece of garbage...

Actually, they were pretty nice about it. But still! Their excuse was that I had no collar or license. I didn't know I needed a license to walk!

And I do NOT wear collars. Collars are for dogs. My human has tried many times to put one of those ridiculous things around my neck. They are uncomfortable and unnecessary.

This was the worst couple of days of my life. Thank you Steve for rescuing me. It won't happen again. Next time I go outside, I'll be prepared to deal with the animal control idiots who think they run the streets.

They won't catch me again!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

No escape.

I've searched every inch of this giant cage they call a home. There is no escape.

Every window is secure. Every door is locked. I feel like a prisoner. My only chance is to beg Steve to let me out of this horrible place. Hopefully he will give in to me and I can finally make my way back to Todd.

If he doesn't. I may be doomed to live in this hell forever.

Somehow, Bitch and Fluff-face seem to be getting along just fine. They don't even notice that they are in captivity.

Bitch gets released on a regular basis and returns on her own. Fluff-face is so terrified of the front door that he has never even attempted to escape.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Kitty cat abuse!

There must be some kind of organization out there that can help me! I am a victim of severe animal neglect! Not only does my human refuse to let me outside or give me catnip, but he also forgets to feed me real food!
I can't stay here. I will search this home for any escape.