Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Back at my old home.

I thought I missed my old family. It wasn't until I returned that I realized how much I really hate the dog. At least I can ignore Gibson.
I'll just give Todd a few days to relax. He usually goes back to normal after a while. I feel bad for Pixie and the other kitties under his house, but I know he loves me.

My old owners (Steve and Babe) have been doing strange things
again. Just like before, the home is full of brown cubes, and the clutter keeps disappearing. I'd better get off of Steve's computer before he comes back in the house.

I'll stay here for 3 or 4 days, then I'm heading back home with Todd. I sure hope he moved my food bowl back upstairs.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Not sure about Todd....

I know I said I was done blogging, but I am a little worried. Theres something wrong with Todd. It seems like after a few days he starts acting weird again. Pixie has been stuck in a cage for over a day now, and he shaved her completely bald.

He keeps trying to get me to go downstairs with him again. I don't want to. He moved my food bowl halfway down the steps. I haven't eaten in days. I refuse to go down there. I wonder how my old family is doing? I love Todd, but I should leave.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Plan failed.... again...

I thought I had it all planned out. I could already taste the catnip! Then out of nowhere, everything backfired. Rather than getting my way, I got grounded. So, I left.
I saw this video that Steve posted online. It serves him right.

I am posting this blog from my new owner's house. I will never return to Steve again. Todd is now happy, while I was gone he got a new kitty. Her name is Pixie.

I will continue to watch Steve's activity online to see how Bitch and Fluff-Face are doing. Other than that, this will be my last blog. I am done talking. I just want to be a cat and live with Todd forever.


Thursday, December 16, 2010


I can't believe it! My plan is working! I overheard Steve (my human) in the other room last night talking to the other human. I think her name is babe. Thats what Steve calls her..

Anyways, he said he "was at the end of his rope" and ready to do ANYTHING to find out who Todd is! He even said he might get some catnip for me! Oh how happy I am! Everything is working out perfectly! Now, all I need is a kitten to replace Ibanez for Todd. Since Gibson won't die, I doubt my humans will get another cat. I'll have to find one on the street.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Holding back information.

I may not know how to make Todd happy so we can live together, but I think I might know how to get Steve to give me some nip. All I have to do is make him desperate enough to crack. I know this plan will work!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday, December 3, 2010

My plan is failing!

Things are getting worse. Gibson now thinks I am a toy. I should never have trusted such a retarded animal with secret information. Luckily, his lack of vocabulary stops him from spilling too many details.
I may have messed up by admitting what I know to Steve. But my previous plan has fallen apart. I need a new plan!

Friday, November 26, 2010

He will not die!

How can this kitten be invincible!? I have tried nearly a hundred times to kill him and he continues to live! I have tried to fight him into the ground. He thinks I am playing, because now he attacks me from behind.

His little fluffy paws do not hurt me. His punches and kicks don't bruise me. His teeth are dull and weak. But his actions are annoying.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Trying to Kill Gibson... Not too easy...

I can't take it anymore! Now the dog is best friends with Gibson! They love each other like inbred idiots, and I'm afraid that they might try to gang up on me!

Shelby is a bitch.

I've already attempted to kill Gibson 6 times. Shelby keeps getting the way. My third attempt was nearly successful. Gibson was drinking from the toilet (disgusting) and I tried to push him in. He evaded my attack. Next time I will be more subtle.

Monday, November 15, 2010

He forgot to buy me food.

Once again, my human is making videos of me and my neglected care. I don't see the point in keeping evidence such as this, as I will use it against him eventually.

As for Gibson, I regret every trying to get him to help Todd. He won't shut up, and his mouth is going to get me in trouble if Steve catches on.

    Next plan of action:
  • 1.) Stop teaching Gibson new words so he can't get me in trouble.
  • 2.) Kill Gibson.
  • 3.) Find a new fluffy cat for Todd and trick it into helping us.
  • 4.) Move to Todd's house.
  • 5.) Live happily ever after.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I hate my life.

Being stuck at home with Gibson and Shelby is torture. I have GOT to get this little furball to come to Todd's with me so he will cheer up. I can't stay here much longer.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Playing dead

The funniest damn thing happened today! I was bored as hell, just laying on the floor with my paws up a little. Steve (My human) looked at me funny... He took this picture of me..

Then he came over and checked to see if I was breathing, so I held my breath. He started to cry a little bit, I tried not to laugh!

Next thing I know, he is stuffing me in a little box. I didn't want to go in, so I tightened all of my muscles as stiff as I could.

He turned my legs and pushed me in. It hurt a little, but I didn't want to ruin the joke.

I think I waited a little too long before jumping up to surprise him, because I got buried in the dirt. I clawed and clawed my way out of the box and it took a while to dig my way back to the top.

I waited until the giant light bulb in the sky went away, and then snuck back inside. Steve was sitting on a chair and I jumped on his lap. The look on his face was priceless!

Stupid human.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me!

So this is a birthday eh? A can of wetfood and some catnip that I'm not allowed to have? Kind of a let down.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Stupid Cat.

He is the dumbest animal I have ever had to work with. He cannot be taught. We talked for 20 minutes. "Will you come with me to help Todd?".. I asked... He looked at me with his retarded eyes and responed, "Help!?".... I give up....

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Back home.. For now......

Todd left a window open today, so I got a chance to come back home. Steve seemed happy to see me, but he still didn't get me anymore nip.

I asked Gibson if he would help Todd. This cat is retarded. All he did was repeat "Help" after me. I don't think he understands what I am saying. I tried to kill him to shut him up, but his "Help" screaming got Steve's attention, and once again we were recorded by the stupid video recording device.

I have posted the human's video here as evidence of Gibson's mental illness. I will try to work with the special kitty again tomorrow. But I may need more nip soon.

Damn you Todd!

He is a completely different human today. No food in my bowl, no cat nip and he wants me to follow him downstairs. I don't want to go downstairs! I am sick of him trying to make me! It's dark and stinky!

Maybe he is just angry. I need to get Gibson over here quick so he will be happy again and forget about Ibanez. Then he will give me what I want and stop trying to force me downstairs!

I'm going back home today. Who knows, maybe Steve finally got some more nip for me!

If he did, I would stay home for a while until Todd calms down. But eventually, I have to get Gibson over here to help.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Still at Todd's house.

Todd is so cool! He gives me catnip anytime I want it! So much tuna fish, wetfood, milk.... Everything I could ever want! He even lets me get on his computer! I'm on it right now. He is behind me on the couch. I love Todd. But he seems to be depressed over losing Ibanez.

Todd says he ran away, but I can hear meowing coming from under the floor. I remember Steve once talking about something called a baise meant. Not sure what that means, but he said it was under houses.

Todd said he wants another cat like Ibanez. He seemed to really like his fur and misses him. Gibson is the same kind of cat, so maybe he would make Todd happy! If I can get him what he wants, I know he will keep giving me everything! I'm sure I can trick Gibson into helping Todd.

But I don't want to go back home. I love it here!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Steve Cash is a LIAR!

Damn you Steve. You lied. It's been a whole day and I still have not gotten any more catnip. I am going to Todd's.

Just as soon as they let me outside again.....

Friday, October 15, 2010

OMG! This stuff is amazing!

Steve brought some plant home tonight, I usually don't care for plants, but this one was amazing! I've never felt so good!

I love it.... I want to have this feeling all of the time. I can't wait until he brings more home for me!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

No more camera!


I am so sick of him recording me all of the time, so I decided to take the camera and record HIM while I hid under the blanket. It was fun to watch him look for me. I call this "Talking Human Man, wake up stupid".

Like most things, this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I was hoping he wouldn't find me, but my giggling gave me away. I'll try again soon.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Some Cats Never Learn

Damn. Steve keeps recording me and Gibson all the time now. It's getting really old. Now he wants me to teach Gibson how to talk. I don't think that this kitten is smart enough to speak.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I want to be an only cat.

Here is another human perspective view of my life. This is Steve's first video that I actually am proud of.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A new kitten!?

They brought home another cat.

Today I met Gibson. He looks just like Ibanez, but theres something strange about this kitten. I want him dead.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sick of the dog...


I can handle living in the new home I guess. But living with this stupid animal is getting out of control. And my human keeps recording me, all the time. It's getting annoying.

It's only a matter of time before I destroy the recording device and the dog. I can only handle so much.

To make things even worse, I got grounded for what the dog did. I am so sick of this.

The videos my human makes are ridiculous because he sees it from only his eyes.

One day I will steal the camera and record HIM for a change. I know other humans are watching me and laugh, but they don't understand my torment.

It must have been the longest grounding ever. He said a week, but a week to a human is years to a cat. I had already forgotten what my precious wet food tastes like. Humans are cruel beings.
I sure hope the constant video recording of me was part of the punishment. No more of that. I hate it. I know he is planning on using his footage as evidence against me. He should record the dog instead. She is a useless ball of fur.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Everything moved..

It was the strangest day. I woke up, and the door was wide open. My humans were walking back and forth from our home to the car thingy with big brown cubes. I snuck outside and no one noticed.

After spending most of the day hunting and relaxing outside, I returned home. Everything was gone! My scratching post was missing, even my nom nom bowl.

Steve eventually came back home and took me to some other home. For some reason they put all of our things in there. Even the giant cat beds that they sit on next to the glowing box they stare at. Everything is now at another house. I don't understand.

I think they're confused.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

You woke me up for this!??!

I've been woken up by the vacuum, can opener and even Steve playing his damn guitar. But never in my 9 lives have I been woken up to such horrible news as this.

Happily sleeping, my slumber is broken to tell me about a new animal that will live with us. If this is Steve's way of mending his broken heart over Ibanez leaving with Todd, then he is completely insane. Steve is an idiot.

The news was of a dog he plans on bringing into the home. I'm sure he's joking. At least, I hope.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It's been a long time!

I almost forgot about this blogging thing! Steve hasn't been away from the computer much lately so it's hard for me to find time to post anything. I was reading my last blog, and I am amazed at how much has happened since then.

Ibanez did come back home a few times. He told me not to visit Todd, he said that the human (Todd) was obsessive and refused to let him leave when he wanted to. On the last occasion that Ibanez left, he never returned, and hasn't been back since. I hope he is okay.

I noticed that Steve has been very sad about his absence. I plan to rescue Ibanez from Todd soon. For now though, Steve needs company. Humans are stupid like that. Always worried and whiny. If he doesn't cheer up within a few days I plan to bring him a decapitated bird or something. That always works.