Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Humans are cruel.


I nearly died this morning.

My human rambled on about his love/hate relationship with oatmeal (a subject I am extremely tired of), so I decided to clean myself as a distraction from his blabbering mouth. Apparently I need to slow down.

Within seconds, my throat began to close. I could taste my own hair (and perhaps someone else's) creeping to the back of my tongue. My stomach turned upside down as I gagged. It was a full blown hair-ball attack. I can't say I regret it too much, as it did force Steve to shut up about the oatmeal. Mission accomplished.

Adding insult to injury, not only did my human stand there watching, but he recorded it too. As the link here proves, he violated my privacy once again. Bastard.

I haven't heard any new news about Shelby's (Ahem, Bitch's) demise from the hot weather (the disease called "Heat" that causes bad animals to bleed to death). I am still waiting for them to finish her off by their means of "knocking up". If I had thumbs and a hammer, I'd knock her up myself. I would knock her all over the place.

22 comments:

  1. Sylvester, this time of year is normal for hairballs. You'll have them more than you will want. But if you time them right, you can aim them in the hallway where Steve will inadvertently step on them. Make sure you do it at least once ON the bed, in the doorway to the bathroom and especially in the traffic areas right where everyone walks. And make sure you never, ever hit tile. Aim for carpet. Makes the owner clean....

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  2. Hang in there Sylvester, hairballs won't kill ya, but being video taped...?? don't worry we still love you. Stay cool while the bitch is in heat.

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  3. Sylvester please don't choke on a furball! We love you so much! Please tell Steve we need to continue to see more of you, Fluff Face and "The Bitch" Shelby! We love Steve's furry family so much! Also, tell Steve he needs to show more of Celia!

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  4. Damn Sylvester you are so damn hot! I am a single solid black female feline named Knightness, by my humans, who wants to have your kittens!

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  5. Hairball on the dining room chair is always a nice surprise too!!

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  6. I saw a big ol' nasty puke ball on the floor this morning. 5 minutes before you need to leave for work, that's not fun!

    Stay cool! No really its hot out there.

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  7. Sylvester... make your human give you butter when that happens like mine does... she doesn't give me a lot... just a little on her finger but it reeeally helps a lot!!! and it tastes sooo good!!!

    -Xander

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  8. Sylvester lay a nice hairball where Steve aways sits. Thats what he gets for taping something awful like that.

    P.S. My cat Lola and I LOVE YOU!!!

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  9. poor cat you musthave lick to fast :3

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  10. sylvester i hope steve gets u some medicine for those hairballs they look like a bitch

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  11. Heres one, next time you have one just get rid of it in his shoes or food! XD
    -Momo

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  12. Knightness, you get away from Sylvester! My 3 beautiful females, Ninja, Skippy and Sybil have first dibs to be his harem. And they're all fixed, Sylvester -- no annoying kittens to plague you.

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  13. Hate to break it to you Knightness, Ninja, Skippy, & Sybil but Sylvester wants to knock up Bitch. "I'd knock her up myself. I would knock her all over the place." XD

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  14. Sylvester, your human is supposed to brush you daily to get the worst of your loose hair. The other side of this is that you can't injure him when he tries to come at you with a brush. He'll only be trying to help the hairball issue.

    Also a switch in catfood helped mine - don't bother with that 'dry tasteless" crud he gives you when youre' grounded, get him to give you grain free --- or MORE wet food.

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  15. Sylvester, sorry you tried to choke yourself kitty, but be more careful. It wouldn't be good to lose you.

    Also, it is impossible for you to "knock-up" Shelby the humans are meaning. You need a boy dog for that.

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  16. XD Im not sure whats wrong with you people, he does not want to knock her up in the way YOU mean, he doesnt even really understand WHAT it means!
    -Momo

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  17. Hey Sylvester my kitty also has hair ball attacks. You should get Steve to give you a daily brush it helps and this means you get lots of attention too :) Also get Steve and Celia to buy you special cat food which helps to reduce hair ball build ups, if Steve asks the vet he takes you too they can give him advice and they may even be able to sell him some special food there. Hope you recovered from the shock okay xx

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  18. And if he does listen, hairball on his pillow, food, or in his shoes!
    -Momo

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  19. Hairball is best coughed up when he is having a nice romantic evening with the other human :) (if ya know what I mean) Wait for that moment when they start to get all romantic and then cough that hairball up right up in front of them ;) My friend's cat did that to him when he had a lady home one evening .... really gets their attention fast xx

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  20. Dude you sounded freaky when you do that!!! hahah Be careful!!! Silly kitty! As for you "knocking up" the dog ....ummmm you reeeeaaally need to learn about the "birds and the bee's" buddy. And not literal "birds and bee's" just "THEEEE birds and the bee's"....Just go ask Steve...tell him you want "The talk"....I hope he records it!!!! xD STEVE!!!! GIVE HIM "THE TALK"!!!! He's old enough!!! :P

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  21. I got 94 thumbs up-TheGoombaking1

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  22. Mini Shelbys... 6-8 of them! Plus, a healthy, big Shelby

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