Humans are cruel.

I nearly died this morning.

My human rambled on about his love/hate relationship with oatmeal (a subject I am extremely tired of), so I decided to clean myself as a distraction from his blabbering mouth. Apparently I need to slow down.

Within seconds, my throat began to close. I could taste my own hair (and perhaps someone else's) creeping to the back of my tongue. My stomach turned upside down as I gagged. It was a full blown hair-ball attack. I can't say I regret it too much, as it did force Steve to shut up about the oatmeal. Mission accomplished.

Adding insult to injury, not only did my human stand there watching, but he recorded it too. As the link here proves, he violated my privacy once again. Bastard.

I haven't heard any new news about Shelby's (Ahem, Bitch's) demise from the hot weather (the disease called "Heat" that causes bad animals to bleed to death). I am still waiting for them to finish her off by their means of "knocking up". If I had thumbs and a hammer, I'd knock her up myself. I would knock her all over the place.

Bitch is dying. It's about time.

Look at the image to the left. What do you see?

I see a beast capable of devouring enormous amounts of wet kitty food within an instant, without even a drop of surface gravy meeting a taste bud. She is a disposal. A disgrace. And finally, she is dying.

The first symptom of her death was noticed by my room mate kitty, who I call 'Fluff-face'. Otherwise known to the humans as "Gibson". He pointed toward Bitch's back half and muttered, "Help". Then, I saw the blood dripping out of her.

From between her hind legs, just below her tail and pooper, she has been slowly bleeding to death. It's only a matter of time before she passes out and disappears forever.

I've already planned the party. It will be a joyous occasion.

My human (Steve) has attempted to stop the bleed-out by fitting

her to some sort of diaper/bandage that wraps around her ass. A fitted hole for her tail is perfectly placed. However, the ass-bandage has not slowed her painful death. She continues to bleed. Dying. Slowly.

I overheard the humans say that her deadly sickness was due to "Heat". I did not know that dogs could bleed to death from something as harmless as warm weather.

I thank this summer for it's hot days and their splendid surprise!

Furthermore, the humans spoke to each other saying that if her bleeding continued, they would have her knocked up. I don't know for sure what this means, but it sounds painful. Surely, it means to induce death by knocking her with something in an upward motion. I cannot wait.

Other than that, my human has pestered me to no end to stand in front of his video recording device. I am tired of posing for him and speaking on command. Sometimes he even makes me memorize what he calls "Scripts". No more. I will not act. I won't pretend.

A bad bad day...

I had one of the worst days ever.

First, I woke up early and tried to get some noms from my bowl, but it was empty. Then, I noticed an open door that is usually closed. I walked inside. Some how, I fell asleep.

I suppose one of the humans closed the door as I slept, because I spent 10 hours locked away! The room was tiny and dark. I've over heard the humans call it a "Klauz It", but I don't know what that means.

Although my keepers said that my day of solitary confinement was "an accident", I firmly believe that it was punishment. Are they still mad at me for putting the dog on craigslist?

Hating it...

Imagine if you flushed your human litter box (toilet thingy) only once every two days. Well, that's what my human (Steve) just left for me. He's forgotten to clean our pooping square (litter box) for two days in a row now.

I can barely walk into it, yet alone relieve myself. To make things worse, Fluff-Face (Gibson) has the Hershey squirts.

I've already stepped into it once, and I wiped it off on Bitch's face. She licked her nose and never noticed the foul slime. I enjoyed watching her. Disgusting beast.

However, if my pooping square is not refreshed within the next day, I will reserve the entire home as "Free To Release" zones. Just a small warning.

We Survived The Attacks.

I was surprised when I woke up this morning.

After last nights deadly bombings that seemed to last forever, I assumed the world would be vacant. I didn't expect to wake up.

When I peeked outside, the only evidence of the war was large black ash on the streets and sidewalk. A slight smokey haze fills the air, but the humans outside seem to have continued on as if nothing ever happened. I will never understand these careless humans.

Steve, my human, seems to have been documenting our relocation in a video that he posted online called "Talking Kitty Something Something".

As seen in the footage, Todd has been attempting to rescue me. Steve has been evading him so far, making strange efforts to keep Gibson and I locked away as if Todd were some sort of threat.

It's the end of the world.

I usually don't watch television, but I've seen enough of it to know what war is. It's when the humans fight each other with explosion thingies that go boom in the sky.

Tonight I was sleeping in the front room when I heard the first explosion. The whole room lit up from the blast and the sound was loud enough to shake my whiskers!

I ran into the human's sleeping room and hid under their bed. More explosions! Then more and more! I want to note this in my journal as the first day of attack, so it may be marked in history for future creatures to read after we've all died. Here goes..

-----

Today was the beginning of the end. The human's are preparing to destroy each other and take us all out with them. Let it be known to you beings of the future that mankind began it's destruction at exactly 9:22 PM on the night of July 3rd, according to the time keeping papers that humans use, called calenders.

I over heard my human as he laid on the bed above my hiding bunker. He said, and I quote: "Wow, if it's this bad tonight, imagine how crazy it will be tomorrow night..."

I heard no fear in his voice as he spoke, but I know he must be horrified.

End of message to future creatures.

-----

If it will be worse by this time tomorrow, we are surely doomed. It is now just after 10 PM. The humans have closed the hatch to their sleeping corridors leaving Bitch, Fluff-Face and Myself out in the rest of the house to fend for ourselves.

I borrowed a camera and was lucky enough to get a picture of one of the bombs as it exploded in the air, taken from the safety of a lookout (Wind Oh) in our home. It was colorful and loud. I can only imagine how many lives were destroyed by this massive weapon.

This may be the last message I ever send out. Good luck everyone.

Still no luck.

My human has let me into the room with the lookouts many times. I tried to execute my plan, but the lookouts are always closed. I can't tear the Micro-Square Netting until the lookouts (Wind Oh's) are open.... Still stuck here for now.

Gibson went to the vet today.

Lil fluff-face went to the vet today and they diagnosed him with Feline Schizophrenia. I knew there was something wrong with him.

No help from Gibson.

I can't believe it's already been almost two and a half years since I started this blog. What a giant waste of time this is.

I just saw this video on my human's website (right). Gibson is a freak. I am starting to regret telling him all of the horror stories about the outside world. How is he ever supposed to help me help Todd if he won't even leave the house!?... What a pussy. That was the most childish, pathetic and ridiculous song I have ever heard. It made me want to run in traffic just to get it out of my head.

So fine. Let the little fluff-face stay here with the mean humans. I will make my way back to Todd's. I can always check on my old family by watching the stupid videos that Steve makes. I hope the best for Bitch. I will miss her for a few minutes. As for Gibson...... I don't care....

Familiar Territory

I just realized something! When we moved back, I knew we were close to the old home. But I didn't know HOW close! We are only a block away!

Guess what that means!??!

I can finally go back home with Todd! The only problem is, my human thinks I am an inside cat now, so I might have a hard time escaping. Either way I should start getting Gibson ready. He is older now, so he will help us!

Moving again!??!

More brown containment cubes. Yup. We moved... Again...

My humans move around like escaped convicts. This time we moved back to the same neighborhood we used to live in.

After watching Steve's stupid video of my jail experience, I decided to once again attempt to steal his camera and record him for a change. Of course, it never works out for me. If only I had thumbs!

Last time was easier. This time, I couldn't get my paw into the strap. These stupid contraptions are made specifically for the monkey handed humans. Eventually, I'll get this recording device under control. No more "Talking Kitty" videos. I have a better idea. It's called "Hidden Camera Human".

Of course, I still have to figure out how to not get caught with his camera thingy. Until then, I will continue acting along for his stupid little youtube video crap. But soon, these humans will be exposed for what they really are!

I just got out of jail....

No freedom for felines.

After begging my human to let me outside, I finally reached the great wide open. I was minding my own business when some other human started chasing me with a net. It was humiliating!

I was then thrown into a van, like a piece of garbage...

Actually, they were pretty nice about it. But still! Their excuse was that I had no collar or license. I didn't know I needed a license to walk!

And I do NOT wear collars. Collars are for dogs. My human has tried many times to put one of those ridiculous things around my neck. They are uncomfortable and unnecessary.

This was the worst couple of days of my life. Thank you Steve for rescuing me. It won't happen again. Next time I go outside, I'll be prepared to deal with the animal control idiots who think they run the streets.

They won't catch me again!

No escape.

I've searched every inch of this giant cage they call a home. There is no escape.

Every window is secure. Every door is locked. I feel like a prisoner. My only chance is to beg Steve to let me out of this horrible place. Hopefully he will give in to me and I can finally make my way back to Todd.

If he doesn't. I may be doomed to live in this hell forever.

Somehow, Bitch and Fluff-face seem to be getting along just fine. They don't even notice that they are in captivity.

Bitch gets released on a regular basis and returns on her own. Fluff-face is so terrified of the front door that he has never even attempted to escape.

Kitty cat abuse!

There must be some kind of organization out there that can help me! I am a victim of severe animal neglect! Not only does my human refuse to let me outside or give me catnip, but he also forgets to feed me real food!

I can't stay here. I will search this home for any escape.

No more secrets!

This is animal abuse! I have been locked inside more longer than I can remember now! I only get wet food once a day! I am forced to live with a dog! My dry food tastes horrible! I have to share my litter box with a fluffy retard! Who can I call to fix this mess!??! I miss Todd..

Still haven't found the tape.

Before we relocated here, Steve recorded a bunch of stuff on his camera that was important. I remember him writing TK13 on the tape, but then it just disappeared. I was hoping he would make it into videos online like the rest of his nonsense.

I think he is trying to hide it from me. I haven't seen the tape since we moved here. I need to find it so I can prove something. I'll keep looking.

I miss Todd.

I haven't had catnip in so long! I need to get out of here! I know Todd misses me. I'll find my way back soon. If only these humans would let me out of here!

In trouble again.

I don't really know how this could be my fault, but it always is. Shelby thinks her name is bitch, and my human is angry at me about it. So, once again I am the target in front of the camera.

Honestly, Steve should thank me. I think I made a correction.

Just an update....

I haven't been able to get on the computer for a while. In this new home, the computer is in another room secluded by a door that my human closes on a regular basis. Tonight he left it open.

This is my first chance to blog in quite some time. I still don't know what "Blog" means. But getting my thoughts out is helpful.

The dog is driving me insane. The humans NEVER let me outside anymore. My scratching post has worn thin and the new cat food they're feeding me tastes horrible.

I have considered faking my death again just to get outside.

I hate it here.

I will not try to be nice anymore. Luckily for me Gibson has completely stopped talking. I think he is corrupted from the relocation.